Weird Movie of the Week

Weird Book of the Week

After reading the following post, I’m expanding the Weird Movie of the Week franchise to apply to books:

In her book on writing, The Art of Fiction, Ayn Rand said no fiction writer should ever use real people or contemporary events. She said her original draft of The Fountainhead included Hitler, but she later cut him out because she wasn’t sure anyone would know who he was in 10 years. While she was obviously wrong, the principle stands, and today we’re seeing why.

… a book recently sent to BW for review called The President’s Vampire by Idaho author Christopher Farnsworth, opened with Bin Laden’s assassination—by a vampire who stuffed a grenade in his mouth and then threw him over a cliff so he exploded in midair. Also, Bin Laden was actually a giant lizard, genetically modified by a vast international conspiracy of reptilian humanoids.

I gotta say, that sort of grabs you right out of the gate.

But now … well, it just doesn’t seem as plausible.

Issues with plausibility aside, I think I’m going to read these books. This is exactly the sort of thing I’d take a chance on because of Kindle, though now that I look at it, the Kindle version is more expensive than the hardcover, which is absurd. Anywho, this series of novels is apparently based on a true story:

….he discovered an odd factoid in American history: a sailor who was convicted of killing and drinking the blood of his crewmates, then inexplicably pardoned by President Andrew Johnson. So Farnsworth provided a reason: The vampire sailor had taken an oath to serve the nation. The ideas for a series of novels were quick to follow.

“I just thought it would be really cool if Jack Bauer were like a vampire,” said Farnsworth.

Well, yeah. Of the Bin Laden incident described above, Farnsworth had this to say: “That was my Captain America punching Hitler in the mouth moment.” I rather think he one upped the stakes there, and that’s saying something.

Incidentally, this marks the second occasion I’ve linked to the freakin’ Boise Weekly, an Idaho “alternative newspaper”. I blame one of their staff writers, Josh Gross, who seems to have a knack for this stuff.

I’m still going to file this under Weird Movie of the Week, because really, this needs to be made into a movie.

Update: The audio version of the first book in the series is narrated by Bronson Pinchot. Bronson. Pinchot.

Weird Movie of the Week

Last time on Weird Movie of the Week we discovered some presidential badassery. This time, we’ve got a ripping tale of aliens, nazis, and lasers:

Zone Troopers poster

Courtesy of Zach Carlson from Badass Digest, here’s a summary:

Watching Zone Troopers, you get the feeling that it’s accidentally ten times better than it’s meant to be. The plot and dialogue seem like they were written on a comic shop toilet stall: Four likeable WWII soldiers named things like “Sarge” and “Mittens” stumble across enemy lines and the Reich’s most carefully guarded discovery: a massive interplanetary spacecraft. One of its pilots has escaped unharmed, and joins our boys in a full-metal lazer-battle against Hitler’s lil’ shits. We even get to see Eva Braun’s boyfriend get smacked straight in the kisser!

Ah, the 1980s. Apparently this movie is actually real and is available through the magic of Manufactured-on-Demand DVD from MGM. Or something.

Weird Movie of the Week

Last time on Weird Movie of the Week we examined a touching tale of bovine mutation. This time, we’ve got presidential badassery:

It’s apparently real. I really thought I was watching a parody thing here. Even when I started recognizing the actors, I thought it was, like, one of them Funny or Die videos where they trick famous people into doing a short skit or something. But it’s a full feature. A feature where a beloved U.S. president rides around on a machine-gun-equipped wheelchair fighting Nazi werewolves (literal werewolves, not those other werwolves). Oh and for those looking forward to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, it appears that Kevin Sorbo has been tapped to play Lincoln in this film (and according to the writer, “in this movie Lincoln is the king of all badass presidents, but he’s a stoner. Other Presidents in office can make him come alive out of his White House painting and ask him for advice if they smoke weed with him.”) I also love Ray Wise’s interaction with Einstein. Inspired lunacy.

Weird Movie Synopsis of the Week

Last time on Weird Movie of the Week, we saw a tale of Elephant vengeance. Against Nazis. This time, courtesy of my friend Dave, we’ve got a touching story of bovine mutation:

“In this unsettling chiller, a genetic experiment intended to boost bovine fertility goes awry when one of the cows spawns lethal mutant offspring.”

Short, but sweet. Does it surprise anyone that this is a film that is available on Netflix streaming? I thought not.

According to Dave, this movie is actually much more well-made than the premise might lead one to believe. I guess we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we? The movie is called Isolation, and IMDB has rated as a rather hefty (for this kinda movie) 5.9 rating from 2500+ users.

Weird Movie of the Week

Last time on Weird Movie of the Week, we looked at a horror movie featuring bunny suit wearing chainsaw murderer. This time, let’s examine a movie about elephants. And Nazis.

According to IMDB’s surprisingly informative user review, Elephant Fury has a rather interesting history:

Sensation director and actor Harry Piel made the film “Panik” in the period 1940-1943 that was banned by the Promi: the animals running loose from a zoo after a bombardment reminded in 1943 too much of the real bombardments and in Berlin indeed one day the animals from the zoo were running through the streets. The only copy of the film was later destroyed by a bombardment also, while after the war the negative was confiscated by the Russians. In 1951/2 Piel was able to reclaim the negative, shot some additional material and edited a new version under a new title.

By all accounts, it’s not particularly good, but the entire thing is available on YouTube (embedded above) and the short description is tantalizing: “Wild Animals Escape Zoo to attack Nazis”. Note that the animals do not escape the zoo and attack Nazis. They escape to attack Nazis. Motivation is important, even to animal actors.

Weird Movie of the Week

Last time on Weird Movie of the Week, we looked at a Hitchcockian tale of mustache disappearance. This time, we’ve got a bloody, gory and supremely weird movie trailer:

Wow, I’m not quite sure what to make of that. Of course, creepy bunny suits have a surprisingly deep cinematic history, but this one goes a few steps further than normal. Devin Faraci has the lowdown on the film:

It looks kind of hackneyed and silly but also nicely shot – at least much more nicely shot than a movie featuring a bunny suit wearing chainsaw murderer should be. I did some research and at first got excited that this film was about a truly bizarre urban legend from Fairfax County, Virginia that has also spread to Washington, DC. The legend is about a maniac in a bunny suit who attacks people with an axe at a railway overpass. Supposedly it’s based on fact.

Wow. Considering that the film was made in 2009 and was apparently never released, I’m betting we won’t even be able to watch this if we wanted. But according to the film’s offical Myspace page (Myspace? Yikes.) there’s a sequel in the works:

The little germ of a idea has sprouted into a full on 20 page treatment…. a full script is not that far behind. There seems to be a wealth of ideas as to how to continue the story with the characters of Bunnyman. What’s really positive about this, is after watching the film, everyone wants to see more. The character has sparked interest, and people want to know what happens next.

Wow.

Weird Movie Synopsis of the Week

There are weird movies, and they will often have a funny plot synopsis on IMDB or Netflix, because weird stories become even weirder when condensed. Then there’s La moustache. The synopsis from Netflix:

Marc (Vincent Lindon) has worn a mustache all his adult life. One day on a whim, he decides to shave it off. Certain his wife will comment on the drastic change in his appearance, Marc is baffled when neither she nor friends notice at all. Even more disturbing is that once he calls attention to it, everyone insists he’s never had a mustache.

It is, of course, a French film.

Greek philosopher Epictetus is often attributed with saying something to the effect of: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” And so I ask you, gentle reader: when you read that plot synopsis, how did you react? I, of course, added the movie to my Netflix Watch Instantly queue at position #1. (hat tip to Boobs Radley, who is awesome. See also: this.)