As a testament to the enduring power of blogs, I give you a blog post that consists almost entirely of tweets. You’re welcome.
“Snarkier, dammit, snarkier! What the fuck am I not paying you people for?” -The Editor-In-Chief Of The Internet
— asterios kokkinos (@asterios) February 28, 2013
I don’t think the analogy of politics as sausage-making really works. At the end of a sausage factory, you get sausages.
— dkellis (@dkellis) January 26, 2013
I wish the NSA told me how it reads my emails every day, because I sure as hell can’t get through all of them.
— Thierry (@tcote) June 12, 2013
Pretty sure I could get a four star average with an app that does nothing but require an update every few days.
— Dave (@earlypaintbrush) January 30, 2013
Jerry’s gf (Tricia Helfer) is a vegan, gluten-free, lactose intolerant model. ELAINE:”What DOES she eat?” J:”I believe she enjoys lettuce.”
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) January 28, 2013
Skrillex! It’s your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you’ve been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*
— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) May 28, 2013
“Do you think Paul Thomas Anderson watched Grown-Ups? Do you think he told [Maya Rudolph] it was good?” @midwestspitfire on PTA’s love life.
— Todd VanDerWerff (@tvoti) May 18, 2013
The new Dungeons & Dragons movie starts with a lengthy email exchange of mostly grown men trying to figure out when they can all meet.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) May 14, 2013
Dear teachers everywhere, please post all the hilarious Great Gatsby book reports you start getting.
— Jordan Gibson (@jgibscomics) May 11, 2013
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
— Peter Klesken (@PeterKlesken) April 6, 2013
A steampunk alternate universe is actually more believable than an alternate universe in which steampunk is cool.
— stefan(@boring_as_heck) April 1, 2013
My google image search of “bears eating people food” was not nearly as adorable or satisfying as I thought it would be.
— lncmaher (@scoleribros) March 28, 2013
If I had a private chef that poor bastard would NEVER stop making nachos.
— BillCorbett (@BillCorbett) March 18, 2013
2032: GOGURT BECOMES THE DEFAULT YOGURT; ALL NON-GOGURT YOGURTS REFERRED 2 AS “GOGURT IN REPOSE”, “GOGURT OF STILLNESS”, OR “STATIONARYGURT”
— Gregory Cat-Holder (@cat_beltane) March 18, 2013
Look you n00bs, if Obama gets a killstreak of nine consecutive kills, he’s allowed to call in the drones on whomever he wants.
— Boner Mountain (@Boner_Mountain) February 5, 2013
Everywhere I look, I see people falling prey to confirmation bias. Just as I suspected.
— Noah Gray (@noahWG) December 10, 2012
I have this awesome idea to take the BBC’s SHERLOCK and set it in the 1890’s.
— GailSimone (@GailSimone) October 20, 2012
I wish I loved anything as much as atheists love telling everyone they’re atheist
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) September 25, 2012
“I’m not paying $700 for Photoshop” – Talk like a Pirate Day
— HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_) September 19, 2012
Pitch: Normal Guy Detective. He’s a homicide detective with no inner demons and an average success rate.
— David T. Cole (@Glark) September 17, 2012
The Big Bang Theory sitcom is so successful, if you Google “Big Bang Theory” It precedes the actual creation of the Universe.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) September 11, 2012
Very suspicious how all conspiracy theorists are so fucking stupid. Can’t be a coincidence is all I’m saying.
— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) August 25, 2012
Favorite part of summer: Quietly hissing “racist” at white people holding watermelons near me in the grocery store.
— Danielle (@knottyyarn) May 30, 2013
‘Just follow the Liberace movie by telling people you got the cancer from eating pussy.’ – Michael Douglas’ publicist
— Pat Healy (@Pat_Healy) June 3, 2013
So there you have it. Blogs are alive and well. (See you on Sunday with, hopefully, a more edifying post).