Waffles, because they are more evil.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster : This has been around a while, but Darth Vader’s blog is surprisingly good. You’d expect such a venture to go for cheap laughs (a la the very secret diaries of LOTR characters), but the Canadian author, Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming, really does a good job capturing the life of Vader, including some banal observations (it seems the circuitry controlling his left leg is on the fritz), occasionally throwing out poignant references to her or his son, and even showing a bit of introspection. Of course, there’s a lot of humor too, but he avoids the real groaners. For example, many a mention of Lando Calrissian, but not a single reference to Colt 45. That’s class, right there.

The blog seems to be covering the events immediately preceding and during The Empire Strikes Back. I think it works better if you read from the beginning. One of my favorite things about the blog is the elevation of Imperial Officers (like Admiral Ozzel, Captain Piet, General Veers, and the like) from bit parts to genuine supporting roles. Here’s a nice comment about Stormtroopers’ uniforms:

I must say that the stormtroopers’ new heavy weather gear makes them look very cool. Hats off to Palpatine. (Most people don’t know this but His Excellency designs all of our outerwear personally; he has a real flair for geometry, and a great sense of line.)

And Lord Vader also replies to some of the comments (the title of this post being in response to that age-old question: “Do you prefer waffles or pancakes?”). I’m not sure, but I think it’s possible some of the commenters (boba fett?) are also being written as part of the “story.” So if you’re a fan, check out the blog. With post titles like “The Wind Beneath My Wings,” “Calgon, Take Me Away,” and “I Am Surrounded By Idiots,” it’s not to be missed. [via Slashdot] And just for fun, here’s the note Vader sent to Ozzel’s kin after Ozzel’s untimely death:

Dear House of Ozzel,

I regret to inform you that your son has been killed in the line of duty.

He was an incompetent, yammering boob and he will be missed by none. I have allowed the men to pillage his personal belongings, which is why we have enclosed nothing but the sole remaining item: a torn advertisements page from a magazine of midget pornography. May it shock and disturb you, and may you think of it always when you remember your dearly departed son, the ninny.

Know also that his limitations as a sub-par military professional caused the deaths of many of the Emperor’s loyal soldiers, whose funeral expenses will appear on your next tax assessment.


D. Vader