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Kryptonian Love Problems
Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex by Larry Niven : A funny and very graphic (you were warned) description of the physiological problems Superman would face if he were to attempt to procreate. Niven is best known for his Science Fiction novels, most notably Ringworld (and its sequels), but he shows a biting sense of humour in this essay... Also, as an interesting side note, the influence of this article can be witnessed in Kevin Smith's Mallrats:

Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back. What about her womb, you think it's strong enough to carry his child?

TS: Sure, why not?

Brodie: He's an alien for Christssake. His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonderwoman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom, but that would kill him.

When compared to Niven's article, the only new thing is the kryptonite condom bit, but its funny nonetheless... Still, Niven's article is great...[thanks to Jim Miller]

This post is part of the Kaedrin Weblog. It's been categorized under Culture and was originally published in August 2002.

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