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1. INT. CITY TAVERN, PHILADELPHIA - OCTOBER 1775

After a long day of Constitutional debate at Independence Hall, George Washinton, Ben Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson grab a table at the City Tavern, settling in for a long night of drunken Constitutional debate.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: I say, barmaid, fetch us some of my fresh-brewed Porter! My dear friends must try this new brew.

The BARMAID delivers three brimming pints of General Washington's Tavern Porter.

THOMAS JEFFERSON: I say, George, you've outdone yourself with this brew.

BEN FRANKLIN: The barmaid is pretty fucking hot.

GEORGE WASHINGTON (ignoring Franklin): I say, thank you Thom. That is quite generous of you.

BEN FRANKLIN: Do you think she likes me?

THOMAS JEFFERSON: I say, you're quite welcome George.

BEN FRANKLIN: Why do you idiots preface everything you say with the phrase "I say".

THOMAS JEFFERSON (sighing): It's fucking gentlemanly, that's why. Anyway, I prefer my brews to be a bit stronger than this porter, but this is still quite enjoyable...

BEN FRANKLIN: Yes, well, I SAY, we're not all alcoholics like you Thom.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Oh SNAP!

BEN FRANKLIN: You're both capable brewers, but I prefer to use more unconventional, off-centered ingredients.

THOMAS JEFFERSON (loudly): Hey everyone, look at this guy! He uses some spruce in his beer and he thinks he's Sam fucking Calagione!

The door to the bar opens, and ALEXANDER HAMILTON walks in, scanning the room.

BEN FRANKLIN (attempting to hide his face): Oh shit, how'd he find us?

GEORGE WASHINGTON glares at THOMAS JEFFERSON

THOMAS JEFFERSON (hiding his iPhone): What?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: You checked in, didn't you?

THOMAS JEFFERSON: Hey man, I'm the fucking Mayor of City Tavern. If I don't check in, I'll lose my discount!

BEN FRANKLIN: You asshole! We could have been free of Hamilton's nincompoopery for an entire night, but NOOOOO, you have to check in to FourSquare to maintain your lame Mayoral status.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON: HI GUYS!

GEORGE WASHINGTON (in an unenthusiastic tone, accompanied by a sigh): Hello Alexander.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON: HAVE YOU TRIED MY FEDERALIST ALE!?

BEN FRANKLIN (whispering to Jefferson): What the fuck is he going on about? I don't see this beer on the menu.

THOMAS JEFFERSON (whispering to Franklin): I think the brewery is just humoring him. They don't even list that beer on their website.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Um, Thom, I challenge thee to a DUEL!

WASHINGTON takes a glove and slaps JEFFERSON in the face.

THOMAS JEFFERSON (surprised, but catching on): Hey! Uh, oh, OH, yes, I accept!

WASHINGTON and JEFFERSON down the remainder of their pints and exit.

2. EXT. MARKET STREET, PHILADELPHIA - OCTOBER 1775

WASHINGTON and JEFFERSON run down the street, stealing furtive glances behind them.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: I think we lost him.

THOMAS JEFFERSON: Thank God! Franklin's gonna be pissed that we left him alone with Hamilton.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Nah, he's probably fucking the shit out of the barmaid by now.

3. INT. COMPUTER DESK - PRESENT DAY

MARK: So this is my third of Yards' Ales of the Revolution series. I quite enjoyed the first two, based on recipes from Franklin and Jefferson, and picked up Washington's entry on a recent trip to the local bottle store. I'm not sure why, but Alexander Hamilton's entry into the Ales of the Revolution series seems to be disappearing. I've seen it referred to as Federalist Ale and Treasury Ale, but as Jefferson notes in the above dialogue, Yards doesn't even mention it on their website anymore. I'm pretty sure you can still buy a variety pack with Hamilton's contribution, and judging from BA and RateBeer, it's some sort of pale ale (I think I saw something once about Yards' Philadelphia Pale Ale being basically the same beer, so perhaps Yards just rebranded Hamilton's beer? That's just blind speculation though.) Anyway, this post was supposed to be about General Washington's Tavern Porter:

Pours a dark brown color (perhaps a hint of dark red in there) with a medium sized, light colored head. Roasted malts in the nose, maybe a little bitter chocolate. That chocolate hits pretty well at the start of the taste, followed by some bitterness in the middle and finishing with a bit of a roasty taste. There's a bit of a sticky alcohol flavor in the finish as well, something I was not expecting, but which suits the beer well. At 7% ABV, it's not a monster, but it's got enough zing to give it a distinctive character, which I can appreciate. The boozy tastes that were more overwhelming in Jefferson's beer are more balanced here (perhaps due to the sightly lower ABV, or maybe just the different malt backbone, or probably both). Mouthfeel is a bit lighter than expected. Plenty of carbonation and a medium body, which again helps offset the booziness. Not exactly a session beer, but quite drinkable. I'm not particularly an expert on Stouts or Porters, nor are they really my style of beer, but I rather enjoyed this. Also, like Jefferson's beer, there are rumors of a Bourbon Barrel Aged version of this porter, which could really impart some really nice additional notes to this beer. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 7.0% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a pint glass.

So overall, I'm pretty happy with these Ales of the Revolution. Maybe I will pick up the variety pack and get me some Alexander Hamilton's Federalist Ale. In the meantime, I suppose I should include the standard disclaimers: No, I don't think that Jefferson was an alcoholic and as far as I knew, no one hated Alexander Hamilton (nor was he considered a nincompoop by his peers) and I'm pretty sure Jefferson and Washington never participated in a duel with one another. However, Franklin was a noted poon-hound and Jefferson was a total Apple fanboy and angel investor in FourSquare.

Update: The mystery of Alexander Hamilton's Ale of the Revolution... solved! Sorta.

Again Update: More on Franklin and the ladies...

This was essentially my Christmas Eve, holy-crap-look-at-all-these-presents-I-have-to-wrap, beer. I actually wasn't expecting to pick this up, but I had to make a trip to my Aunt's house, and wouldn't you know that she lives right near a Delaware liquor store that happens to have an awesome beer selection. I was actually surprised it was open, but then, business appeared to be booming. Anyway, a few beers caught my eye, including this one:

Nøgne Ø Peculiar Yule - I've noticed bottles from this brewery for a while. They're very well designed and apparently have a decent reputation, so when I saw their holiday ale, I figured it was time to give Nøgne Ø a shot. Me being the nerd that I am, I always thought it had something to do with the null set, but apparently the brewery name is old Danish for "Naked Isle" and is a reference to an Ibsen poem. Pours an opaque, very deep, dark brown, almost black. Solid finger or two of head with lots of lacing. Cinnamon dominates the nose, but there's some malty sweetness there as well, and you get some bitter hoppiness as it warms as well. Taste starts off sweet and spicy (The cinnamon is in there, but it doesn't overwhelm like it does in the nose, so you get some more complex flavors here), but it ends on a note of dry hoppy bitterness. Indeed, this hoppiness character seemed to grow as I drank, including some citrus notes. It's certainly not a hop-bomb or anything, but it's there, and it's something I haven't seen (er, tasted) in, well, any of this year's winter seasonals (save Sierra Nevada's Celebration, which, as I mentioned in that post , has nothing really wintry about it). A good amount of carbonation and a medium body make for a very drinkable beer. It doesn't blow me away, but it's pretty damn good and while it has a warming spiciness to it it, it's a nice change of pace from other wintry beers. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 6.5% ABV bottled (500 ml). Drank out of a tulip glass.

I hope everyone had a great holiday!

Yesterday, I made the trek into Philly to see Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, a Finnish movie that might be the world's greatest homicidal Santa movie (not a highly populated subgenre, to be sure - when your chief competition is Silent Night, Deadly Night, the bar's set pretty low). Anyway, the film let out around 5 pm, and rather than battle the traffic, I headed over to Eulogy for some dinner, and, of course, good beer. After perusing the on-tap list, I noticed something labeled only as "Samichlaus". Say, that sounds kinda like "Santa Claus"! The bartender says that it's an "intense" Doppelbock, very high in alcohol (she also says it's kinda like a Barleywine). I say: Pour me a glass! Ordered some Belgian style mussels and sipped this beer throughout.

Schloss Eggenberg Samichlaus Bier: This beer is only brewed once a year, on December 6 (for the uninitiated, that's the feast day of Saint Nicholas, hence the name of the beer.) It is then aged for at least 10 months before being released to the public, which means what I was having was probably brewed in 2009. Apparently it was once among the strongest beers in the world, and is even now in the Guinness Book of Records as the strongest lager beer in the world. Coming in at 14% ABV, that's not hard to believe, and it certainly smells and tastes of alcohol. The color is a nice, clear reddish brown. There was no real head on the beer, thus no lacing, and the carbonation was also low. This made for a relatively smooth mouthfeel, though there is a bit of a bite due to the alcohol. There's a distinct syrupy texture going on with this beer, but it's not super sweet or cloying. Taste is complex and boozy. I have to admit that it's not really my favorite style of beer, but it was damn good and indeed, very intense, as promised. I don't know that I'd have it on tap again, but I would love to get me a bottle of this and wait a few years to see how well it ages. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 14% ABV on tap. Drank from a Snifter glass.

I've been to Eulogy before, but it was always so crowded - this time I got there right around opening time, so it wasn't as crazy as usual (it was also only a Wednesday night, so that might also have something to do with it). Nevertheless, I think I'll have to take in some more movies at the Ritz and head over to Eulogy after...

1. INT. SIERRA NEVADA BREWERY - LATE OCTOBER

Six men sit around a table. A projector is displaying a marketing presentation on the screen.

BREWER 1: What the fuck is this shit about?

BREWER 2: Who fucking cares? Free beer!

BREWER 1: Hey shitdouche, you work in a brewery! You drink free beer all the time!

BREWER 2: You're just jealous because I got the fucking good stuff!

KEN GROSSMAN: Hey! Every beer we make is "good stuff"

BREWER 1: Yes, sir...

BREWER 2 (in unison): Yes, sir...

MARKETING WEENIE: Ok folks, let's get started. We here in Marketing are proud to debut the label designs for our new Holiday ale.

BREWER 1 and BREWER 2 start fidgeting anxiously.

KEN GROSSMAN: Great! What's it called?

MARKETING WEENIE:Picture this: A quaint little cottage in the countryside. Surrounded by evergreens, snow adorns its roof, smoke curling up from its chimney...

HEAD BREWER: Hey, shit-for-brains, he asked what it was called.

MARKETING WEENIE sighs, pausing for effect.

MARKETING WEENIE: It's called... Celebration.

KEN GROSSMAN: Love it, love it, love it. Let's go home.

MARKETING WEENIE: Well, wait, shouldn't we try tasting it first?

KEN GROSSMAN: Holy shit, yeah, duh, forgot about that. Where is it? All I see in this bucket here is a bunch of pale ales and IPAs.

BREWER 1 (under his breath): Fuuuuuuuuuuck

BREWER 2: What the fuck are we talking about here?

HEAD BREWER glares at BREWER 1 and BREWER 2

MARKETING WEENIE: You guys were supposed to bring a few bottles of the new holiday ale for us to taste.

BREWER 1: Yeah... so, uh, we didn't brew any.

HEAD BREWER: What!? So what the fuck is in all those fucking beer tanks out there!?

BREWER 2: It's actually a pretty bitchin' IPA.

HEAD BREWER: What about all the cinnamon and nutmeg we were going to brew it with?

BREWER 1: Brewer 2 heard a rumor it would get him high...

HEAD BREWER: That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

BREWER 2: Duuuude, it totally works.

KEN GROSSMAN: Really?

MARKETING WEENIE (in unison):This is unbelievable. You assholes should be fired!

KEN GROSSMAN: Eh, not so fast. Do you still have any?

BREWER 2: What, cinnamon?

KEN GROSSMAN: Yeah, let's fire that shit up!

HEAD BREWER: I'm game.

MARKETING WEENIE: So what are we going to do about the holiday ale?

BREWER 1: Shit, man, bottle that IPA and slap those Celebration labels on it. Done. This ain't fuckin rocket science.

KEN GROSSMAN: You guys are fucking brilliant. I'm giving you all raises.

MARKETING WEENIE: This is amazing.

KEN GROSSMAN: Except for you, you're fired.

2. INT. COMPUTER DESK - 11:15 PM

MARK: Yeah, so it's pretty good, but I have no idea what makes this a winter seasonal. Pours a nice clear amber red color, with a solid, light colored head. Typical IPA smell of malt and hops, and a taste to match. Nice citrusy start, dry bready bitterness in the finish. There's absolutely nothing about this that screams "Holiday" (except for the label), but it's a good beer. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 6.8% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a tulip glass.

So I'm looking forward to Sierra Nevada's upcoming summer seasonal, a Russian Imperial Stout. (What? That makes about as much sense as this one!)

Update: This should go without saying, but I obviously don't think Ken Grossman (and his brewers) is a cinnamon snorting addict. However, I do think it would be funny if he was.

Again Update: Apparently I missed the opportunity to make fun of Sierra Nevada's "green" industry practices (which are praiseworthy, to be sure, but also probably ripe for hijinks).

No filmic double feature this week, but I started off the seasonal beer tastings for the year on Friday as I watched the Flyers in a disappointing shoot-out-loss, courtesy of a total bullshit penalty call on Chris Pronger, without which we would have won in the initial overtime period (and the article was wrong, it wasn't a split-second before the goal, more like 3-5 seconds... not that I'm bitter). Anywho, the night's beer selections were more enjoyable than the game...

Anchor Special Christmas Ale - Anchor is one of the pioneers of independent brewing in the US, and since 1975, they've put out a special Christmas brew as the holiday approaches. The recipe is different every year, as is the tree on the label (which is quite nicely designed and very classy). It's apparently quite a popular tradition in the beer nerd community, and so I've been looking forward to this. Pours a nice dark brown color (almost black), with a big tan head that leaves lots of lacing as I drink. Smell is spicy (spruce?) with some roasted, earthy character as well. Taste features some of that spice (Spruce? Cinnamon? Nutmeg?), ample sweetness (maybe some raisins in there), and some light roastiness. Maybe a little chocolately bitterness as well, and it lingers a bit (but not in a bad way). Mouthfeel is smooth and crisp, with a medium body. It's not a particularly big beer, but it's quite delicious and I can see why everyone looks forward to this every year. A bit too rich to drink several of these in a row, but that's not a bad thing at all. I normally don't spring for a full six-pack, but in this case, I'm glad I did (not sure if I'll be able to keep one for comparison purposes next year, but maybe I'll try). B+

Beer Nerd Details: 5.5% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a goblet.

Rogue Santa's Private Reserve Ale - Perhaps not as storied as the Anchor, this one seems to be a popular seasonal choice. Pours a deep brown color (lighter than the Anchor ale), with a thin head and a little lacing. Smell has some spiciness in it, maybe clove, but it's mostly a hoppy aroma. Taste has more of a nutty malt flavor, with a little spiciness and a bitter finish. It actually reminds me of Rogue's Dead Guy Ale, but a little darker with some more spiciness. A solid beer, but not as good as the Anchor and not something I see myself visiting very often. B

Beer Nerd Details: 6% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a goblet.

So there we have it. Still stocking up on winter/holiday brews, so there will most definitely be more of those coming soon...

Well, I'm cheating here. Two nights, two beers, and three movies. Not quite a double feature, but close enough! Or maybe not. The point of the beer double feature is to compare two beers of similar style, and the two beers below couldn't be more different. On the filmic side of things, it's a weekend of Trolls. One of the documentaries released this year that I've been really interested in seeing was Best Worst Movie. It's about the movie Troll 2, once crowned as the worst movie of all time, but which has somewhat recently undergone a resurgence as a cult classic (a "so bad it's good" kinda thing). Best Worst Movie was recently released on DVD, so in addition to adding it to my Netflix queue, I wanted to check out the movie itself... and Troll 2 is only available on a double feature disc of its own (with the original Troll). Intriguing, as those two movies have nothing to do with each other. Well, let's just say that the movies are all just about what you might expect .

The original Troll is actually a pretty interesting movie. Terrible, of course, but very watcheable. Plus, it's got midgets, a troll-filled musical number, and, I shit you not, a boy named Harry Potter who learns magic in order to defeat the trolls (seriously, Harry fucking Potter!?). Troll 2 is... hard to explain. I don't really think it deserves the title of worst movie ever, but it's certainly in the running. There are so many nonsensical components to the movie that I don't really know where to start. There are no trolls in the movie, only goblins (perhaps a pedantic distinction, but the lack of trolls is part of the movie's charm), and they all live in a town called Nilbog (that's goblin spelled backwards!). They lure people to their town, turn them into trees and plants, then eat them (you see, the goblins are vegetarians! Yes, the movie is an attack on vegetarians.) But it's so earnest and completely ridiculous that it's almost endearing (and most certainly funny), and so the cult that's grown around the movie makes some sort of sense. Best Worst Movie chronicles that cult and it's rise throughout the naughts. The documentary is made by Michael Stephenson, who played the little boy in Troll 2. There are some interesting parallels between the film's popularity and the way the actors view the film - they are as aware as anyone of the inadequacies of the film, but even they come around as the cult grows. The film gets a bit repetitive as it goes on, but that's also part of the point. Even the actors start to get sick of the screenings and repeating the lines over and over again ("You don't piss on hospitality!") and attending weird horror conventions and the like. It's an interesting bit of filmic nostalgia and I greatly enjoyed it, along with some beers!

Saison Dupont - The saison style of beer has apparently been somewhat endangered, but in recent years it's had a bit of a resurgence, led by the likes of Ommegang's excellent Hennepin, and also Saison Dupont, which was named by Men's Journal as "the Best Beer in the World" a few years ago. Pours a slightly hazy golden color, nice fluffy head with some lacing as I drink. Smells great. Perhaps a bit of fruit in the nose, lots of spices (coriander? clove?), but nothing overpowering. Taste is sweet, citrusy and a little tart, with a full body, lots of carbonation and a bit of a harsh mouthfeel (as I've already established, that sort of harshness isn't necessarily a bad thing). There's a bitterness, but it's not hoppy. Is it the best beer in the world? I have a terrible time choosing favorites and picking bests, but I could certainly entertain the notion, which says a lot. A

Beer Nerd Details: 6.5% ABV bottled (750 ml, caged and corked bottle). Drank from a goblet (get it, goblin? goblet? Ha!).

Southern Tier Creme Brulee (Imperial Milk Stout) - Recommended to me by Kaedrin regular Sovawanea, I have to admit that part of the reason I wanted to try this was that it's got such an evocative name. It just sounds like a perfect match. Pours a deep black color with a very thin, beige head. Smells very sweet, lots of vanilla and caramel. Usually the nose tapers off as I drink a beer, but not in this case - aromatic to the very end (even the empty glass gave off a strong scent). I didn't notice it, but the bottle says to drink it chilled out of a snifter, and that makes sense given the great aroma this stuff gives off. That vanilla and caramel shows up pretty strongly in the taste as well, but it's tempered by the roasty malt sweetness in a decidedly, well, creme brulee fashion. It's not as roasty as other stouts I've had recently (either that, or the sweetness is overpowering the roasted flavors). I found myself drinking quite slowly (it lasted longer than the documentary), but that's probably a good thing given the 10% ABV! Even so, it's perhaps a bit too sweet for one person to drink an entire 22 oz bottle of this stuff. It gets a bit cloying towards the end... (apparently I'm not the only one who recently tried this and felt that way) Nevertheless, it's an excellent and unique beer. It would make a nice after-dinner dessert to share with someone, and it's also something that showcases the amazing variety of flavors that beer can have (it could be a decent gateway beer in the right scenario). B+

Beer Nerd Details: 10% ABV bottled (22 oz bomber). Drank out of a pint glass (apparently shoulda been a snifter though)

So two pretty different beers, but both are pretty great.

Despite a recent disappointment from Yards, I went ahead and picked up a pair of their Ales of the Revolution. As I mentioned before, I'm kinda a sucker for local beers and this series, based on recipes of our founding fathers, is particularly intriguing. I drank them whilst watching the second half of last weekend's double feature (sadly, movie theaters around here generally frown upon the drinking of alcohol during the show - perhaps someday, we'll get an Alamo Drafthouse or something similar). Winter's Bone is a very good movie, but not exactly fun drinking material. Nevertheless, I found myself enjoying both of these brews:

Poor Richard's Tavern Spruce Ale - As legend has it, when Ben Franklin learned that barley and hops were not very plentiful, he attempted to bypass the shortages by leveraging spruce and molasses (I have no idea bout the proportions here, but whatever). It pours a dark amber color, mostly (but not entirely) clear, with a thin head. Smell is a little spicy and malty, though not super strong. Taste is a bit spicy (apparently that's the spruce), but otherwise it tastes like a pretty standard amber ale. Would have perhaps liked a bit more maltiness in the taste, but it's got an excellent, very drinkable mouthfeel. It reminds me a little of Yuengling Lager, but with a little more spiciness (which is a good thing, in my book). I could drink these all night, and at 5%, that would work really well. It's not blowing me away, but it's better than most of the offerings I've had from Yards and would make a fantastic session beer. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 5% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a pint glass.

Thomas Jefferson's Tavern Ale - Pours a lighter amber color, mostly (but not entirely) clear, with a solid head. Smell is a bit muted here, not much going on in the nose. Taste is sweet, boozy and spicy, an interesting mix. Carbonation isn't as strong here, perhaps because of the high alcohol content, which seems to be the dominant characteristic of this. It's not really appropriate to call it oily, but that word does come to mind (perhaps that lack of carbonation contributed to an oily mouthfeel). Neverthless, I like it. It's probably not something I want to drink a lot of, but there's something unique about the beer. Flawed, perhaps, but still an interesting experiment. There are rumors of a Bourbon Barrel Aged version of this beer, and given the high alcohol content, I think the addition of rich flavors imparted by such a process would suit this beer well. B

Beer Nerd Details: 8% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank from a pint glass.

So a good showing for Yards this week. Now I just need to find me a bottle of George Washington's Tavern Porter and Alexander Hamilton's Federalist Ale (this one seems a bit rarer than the others, though it appears to be in the variety pack). And of course, if I come across the Bourbon Barrel Aged versions, I'll have to try those too.

All Dogfish Head beers have a story at their core, and this one is no exception. It apparently started back in 2003, when Sam Caligone (of Dogfish Head), Bill Covaleski (of Victory Brewing) and Greg Koch (of Stone Brewing) got together and formed something called BUFF, which stands for Brewers United for Freedom of Flavor. As near as I can tell, there wasn't much of a point to BUFF until earlier this year, when the three brewers collaborated on a recipe for a saison style beer. The most notable thing about the recipe is that it prominently features parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme (presumably a tribute to the album, but also to the craft brewery tradition of using lots of ingredients). Each brewer took the recipe back to their respective brewery and made a batch. Earlier this summer I had a couple of Victory's batch and while I enjoyed them, I came a way a little disappointed. Anyway, I recently spotted a bottle of the Dogfish Head version and thought I'd give it a shot:

Dogfish Head Saison du Buff: Pours a slightly cloudy light yellow color with a big head. Lots of lacing as I drank. More aromatic than the Victory version, smelling mostly of spice and some floral hops. Taste is bigger and spicier than expected, with some yeasty notes and that floral hoppiness at the end (not very bitter though). Very carbonated and a little harsh (I guess that sounds bad, but I kinda like that characteristic), but it seems to mellow out (in a good way) as it warms up. I'm getting more earthy, hoppy notes as I get towards the end, making it one of those beers that improves as you drink. Overall, pretty damn good. I wouldn't put it at the top of my favorite saisons, but it's close and I'm enjoying it more than the Victory version. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 6.8% ABV bottled (12 oz). Drank out of a pint glass.

Now this makes me want to find all three and try them all, one after the other. At this point, that's pretty unlikely though, so I'll have to settle for trying to find a Stone version...