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    • CommentAuthorSamael
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2006
     
    So, in a turn of events that is absolutely not shocking in any way what-so-ever to anyone who knows me, I'm regretting breaking up with Adrienne.

    I don't know what my problem is, exactly. I make it about 9 months to a year in a relationship, and then I get cold feet or something, and get distant and sort of stop putting effort into the relationship and end up breaking up with the girl. It's happened several times now. of course, after a few months, I realize "Wow, I had it really good. What the fuck was I thinking?"

    Christ.

    Of course, by that time, it's too little too late.

    Now I'm just miserable and unhappy about it. I need someone to punch me next time I'm thinking of breaking up at nine months, because this sucks. I end up hurting people and ruining really good relationships because I haven't grown up.

    Fuck.
    •  
      CommentAuthortallman
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2006
     
    Is it a "grass is greener" sorta thing? I.e. you're not happy when you're in a relationship because of various reasons, but when you're not in a relationship you're not happy because you like being in a relationship? I'm the last person who should be talking about relationships as I don't have very many, but still. Also, could it be a rose colored glasses thing? People say hindsight is 20/20, but sometimes I think that's a crock. Maybe you're rationalizing something. Or maybe I am with my "20/20 hindsight is a crock" comment. Who knows?

    ~tallman
    • CommentAuthorSamael
    • CommentTimeNov 14th 2006
     
    The biggest problem I have seems to be that I get freaked out by serious relationships. I start to think "There's no way this is going to last," or similar thoughts. I've had a pretty screwy history with relationships, and I guess part of it has rubbed off so that I get convinced that, the more serious a relationship is, the more likely it is to collapse. So, instead of waiting for the girl to get tired of me and break up with me (and hurting me in the process), I distance myself. Of course, distancing yourself is one of the fastest ways to fuck up a relationship. So, it's not a surprise that the relationship breaks down, and then I can look at it and say "See, it's not working out," and break up with the girl. I mean, I don't do it conciously- it's not like I think to myself "I need to distance myself, thus making the relationship collapse and then say 'see!'"
    But, I'm pretty sure that's the basics of what happens.
    The problem is that, once the relationship collapses, and I've had a little while to look at the situation, I can start to see what I was doing and realize "Oh, shit. What the hell was I thinking?"

    I suppose part of it might be rose colored glasses, but I don't think so. I mean, I know that Adrienne and I weren't perfect-I know which things we had going on that I wasn't happy with, but I also know that she was more than willing to work on the things that could be fixed, and that the biggest problem with the relationship was that I gave up on it, and pushed her away.

    I guess the other problem is that I realize these things, but I realize them too late to help the situation. Three months after you break up with someone is *not* the right time to realize that it was your own cold feet and emotional baggage that was screwing up a perfectly good relationship. That's the sort of thing you need to figure out before you break up with someone.